Sunday, August 20, 2006

Wild Horses

Wild Horses, I want to be like you, throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too.......
~Natasha Bedingfield

These lyrics remind me that I want to live each day to it's fullest. I listen to them over and over, yet, most days I do not live up to my own expecatations. I get up when I hear my daughter chatting away in her crib, fix her a bottle, and while she has her breakfast, I grabe five more minutes of shut eye. Then we start our very normal, not so interesting routine.....coffee, Today Show, play time, breakfast, Regis & Kelly, play time, more coffee........
I tell myself at the beginning of each new week, "today you will find a gym, write a few more pages in one of your many "books", do all the laundry (or some other big household chore), get outside with Jordan ...." And on and on I go, only to see my day pass me by. Why can't we get motivated!!! But then I look at Jordan, collapse onto the floor and start kissing her chubby cheeks and playing chase around the house.
Tomorrow is Monday.....I will go to the gym....aahhhh who am I kidding?? One day.

Friday, August 18, 2006

In My Daughter's Eyes, I See the Future.....

Before my daughter was born, I found a journal which I use to write her letters. Everything about this journal sends some type of life message to her from me. The cover is that of a great Dr. Seuss book, Oh the Places you will go! I love this particular book for it's message. It talks of bumps in the road, temptations in life and making the right choices to reach your goal. It gives the reader a sense of confidence in their capability to reach any goal they set out to attain. I want that confidence instilled in my daughter. My hope for her is probably the same as any other mother. A strong sense of self, confidence in her decisions, the ability to think through a problem logically and make sound decisions. Ultimately, these things will lead to her happiness in life. A life without many regrets (we all have a few), and a feeling of fulfillment.
In addition to letters that are written in this journal, (mostly by me, but my husband has penned a few words as well), I have pasted lyrics to songs I find have a great message and convey my wishes for her life. I sometimes worry I will not be here for her, a morbid thought, I know, but there are no guarantees in life and she could very well lose me one day. So, in preparation for that unlikely event, I paste my thoughts and dreams for her in this journal and many of those thoughts are in the form of music. Some of the selections included thus far are: In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride, Daughters by John Mayer, I Hope You Dance by Leann Womack. All of this songs mean so much to me and really send a message of love, hope and optimism for the future of a child.....my child. I want her to know my love, to know my hopes and dreams for her. One way to share that is through music.
I write letters in this journal as well, they are not as eloquent as the musical lyrics I have pasted in, but they are my words and they share additional thoughts of love, hope and even some fears. I know that one day, Jordan is going to grow into this independent woman who maybe won't need her mother so much, and during her stubborn streaks, I am hoping this journal might be a way for me to communicate to her, even when she prefers not to be around me. She will always hear I Love You, she will always hear I AM PROUD OF YOU, even when she doesn't really "hear" me. She is only one year and I already anticipate those potentially battle-filled teen years!
Most people would not worry so much, I on the other hand, fear the uncontrollable. It's hard for me to just put everything into God's hands. Although I know he has always seen me through. I still worry. He knows, he gives me the appropriate strength and wisdom I need, when I need it, I always figure it out and realize that I worried for nothing. Another confirmation of his prescence in my life. I am blessed!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Dance! Dance!

My Daughter has a love of music. She sways, bounces and flings her arms in the air to anything musical. She does not discriminate. She loves Sesame Street, the Oscar Mayer commercials, and Mommy's booty rap. All music inspires my girl to bounce her tush or sway her arms around. It is so adorable and free. I say to her, "That's right Jordan, Dance! Dance!" She looks at me with her beautiful round eyes, that are the spitting image of her Daddy's, smiles excitedly and continues her bouncing....(dancing).
Sometimes we dance together. I scoop her up into my arms and we rock back and forth, cheek to cheek to whatever moves us on the radio. It warms my heart and has made otherwise average days, beautiful and more spectacular.
Today, she and I danced together standing in front of one another. This is new for us, because she just started walking and now has the ability to dance while standing. Prior to this week, her dancing consisted of being held by me while she moved her arms up and down or bouncing from a sitting position, swaying her arms back and forth, up and down. Now, well, she is a pro! She stands, bounces on her legs AND sways her arms all at the same time. My growing girl is growing to fast. I only hope she will continue to dance with me as she gets older.